Wonder
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: She wonders about so many things when she's with Maura. Spoliers for 1x01 "See One, Do One, Teach One"


Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli & Isles. I'm just borrowing for a little fun.

Wonder

It was different. She doesn't know or even really understand why. They'd been friends for a while, a friendship that had begun almost immediately, despite the others big words and massive intelligence, in comparison to her own less than stellar mental capacity. Somehow though, that night was different. Sure, it was the first time she'd stayed over and been introduced to Bass the pet turtle, but friends stayed with friends, right? That was how it worked, wasn't it? She was hard pressed to remember a time when she'd stayed at a friend's house as a child, or for a sleepover, and couldn't quite pinpoint a memory to give depth to the thought. Most of her friends had been boys. You didn't sleepover at a boy's house, when you were a girl. It wasn't right. But then she'd never had a friend like Maura either.

There was something about their friendship that had been different from the beginning. It was like she found something that she hadn't known she was missing, and lying there beside the good doctor made her wonder if it was the same for Maura as well. She gives herself a mental shake before her thoughts turn down a road that they have become increasing familiar with. Instead she focus' on Special Agent Dean. He has some appeal she supposes, but not enough to be tempting. In her mind she flashes to Dean and Maura together, and finds she doesn't like that picture. That of course brings a picture of her with him, and it's even less appealing. The final picture in her mind is the most surprising, one of her with Maura. It's surprising in that it holds the most appeal of all three images. She'd never thought of herself as attracted to women, she'd always been with men. Perhaps she wasn't attracted to women. Maybe it was only Maura. Her thoughts return to the outside world when she feels Maura shift beside her.

"Did you ever date the same guy as your best friend?" She asks. She can't help it. She has to ask because she's afraid if she doesn't, her thoughts will give her away.

"No." Maura answers. And again she can't help the question that spills from her lips.

"Did you ever _have_ a best friend?"

"No." She answers again. She wonders for a minute if that includes now, and Maura is just being nice to her.

"You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?" She's trying to inject some humor into their conversation. It's what she's good at. It's also a defense mechanism. They see the funny part of her and think she's ok, that she's happy, and that everything is alright, even when it isn't.

"No, I don't think I would." Typical Maura. She has her own brand of humor. She laughs. It's not really funny, but she manages a light chuckle for the sake of the woman next to her. "I'm not seeing him." Maura states in her matter of fact way and she just rolls her eyes.

"Yet." She knows how attractive Maura is, and has seen how men look at her. For a moment she's jealous and wonders why men don't look at her that way. It probably has something to do with being a cop, but she refuses to change who she is just for a man. She briefly wonders if she would change for Maura.

"Somebody should, don't you think?" Maura suggests. She can't bring herself to tell her that she has absolutely no interest in him, and that she shouldn't either. But that would give her away too. So she agrees.

"Yep."

"Should we draw straws?" Again she rolls her eyes. She could care less about Dean. She has no interest in him, only in the Maura herself, but she can't say that, so she goes with humor again.

"Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide?" And suddenly she wishes she could take the words back, because it brings up the image of Maura entwined with Dean and not with her. It's not something she wants to see, and for a minute it feels like her chest is going to explode. Maura laughs, oblivious as ever and she tries to laugh as well, but inside she's falling apart or imploding, she can't decide which. She doesn't know where the feelings are coming from, but she wishes she could either tell Maura or that they would stop.

A few minutes later Maura gets up, tells her good night, and goes to her own bed. And as she lies there, it takes all of her restraint not to get up and join her in her room, just for the feel of having a warm body curled up next to her. She sighs once into the darkness and wishes she had the nerve to not be alone.


End file.
